Hello and welcome again to yet another exciting episode of CHIA ADVENTURES. Today we shall be talking about my recent exploratory trip to the wild and dangerous TOILET. It was Saturday; I was half asleep when I suddenly felt the calling. The call from nature must be answered. So I made my way to the “TOILET”. There was no one at home at that time. The need of privacy is forgotten when one ass is working double time. Like an Ass-plosion, the toxic from my body is released back into the wild.
That was Saturday, today on the other hand is Wednesday. I have been answering the call of nature for 5 days now. Why do nature keeps calling me? I have no idea. I have seen the local witch doctor that prescript me some herbal remedies. The medicine was not helping much. The frequency of my nature call was astounding. Every god damn hour or so the phone will start ringing.
Asshole: Hello, this is your asshole calling
Brain: Huh, you again ? What do you want? Stop bothering me
Asshole: Well I was just wondering whether I can go and have a walk
*interrupted by
Brain: No no no.. I am not free.. In case you did not notice I have to work you know
Asshole: Wtf ? Why are you so angry? Did I piss you off ?
Brain: Duh !
Asshole: Fine, in that case I shall revolt. Do I need to remind you what happen when I yawn. I assume you are smart enough to reflect on the consequences, don’t ya ?
Brain: Wait! Ok ok you win you mother!@#$%^
Asshole: Weeeee… another trip to Toiletland.. woo hoo
So after numerous adventurous trips to the wild and dangerous, my leg began to shake or as the Chinese saying goes “yuen kiok”. The ass-plosion was happening everywhere. Chunk and chunks of shrapnel was flying everywhere. It was terrifying even for a seasoned veteran like me. Cant talk now. Just got a call again. !@#$#%$%^@
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Date cant remember
When you are 24 years old and single, everybody will try to hook you up with somebody. I feel like a piece of unwanted rotten banana. Sold off to any available buyers. Every single movement you make will be suspicious to your friends. “What, chia is going out ?,.. ON A DATE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo * with a hint of sarcasm “. Its doesn’t matter what you do you just cant escape. As long as any of my friends spot me within 10 m perimeter of a girl they will automatically assume something is on. For the guys they will almost certainly give me one hamsap sly grin while the gals will normally show me their hentai V-ictory signs.
When you are 24 and single like me, most of your friends will already be boasting on how many gals they conquered in front of ya. “ This ex of mine, that ex of mine.. yada,yada,yada.”. They will also frequently described in details all of their obscene stuff to me. *cough cough roy, gary,sam,hui, *ack cough..“They was this time, I took her to.. and there was that time I did that to..*makeup table* yada yada yada”.. hahaha . And whats worst they will all talk as if they are like some old legendary heroes that were much wilder in their younger days. They will start out their legendary stories with “ Back in those days” or “ When I was younger” and “ hehehehe I can still remember, when I was just”… hahaha .. Damn them…* middle fingers and middle toes showing to all of them at once. As if all of that is not bad enough they will literally “yang toh kei kiok/kick a few more times” to you already bruised ego. “Hey chia, still haven’t got a gf ah.. “ followed by the most disgusting irritating look you will ever see. “Tsk tsk tsk..tsk tsk.. tsk”, they will all turn and twist their head at the same time like some synchronize dancers.
However not all their action is THAT bad. They do introduce some girls to me occasionally. Problem is that they just keep all the good ones to themselves, leaving me with all the rest of the western food category gals... hahaha. My gal-friends will also hook me up with any of their single female friends. “Chia, I got a friend to intro.. shes is not that pretty lar but she has a NICE heart la.. “ hahahah.. Like I ever needed a heart transplant. Hahahaha.. Or they will intro some playgirls that are obviously not interested in any real relationship. Great..just great..What I need is a lively, bubbly, sporty gal that does not have a turbo charged temper. Speaking off that don’t you just hate gals that’s disregard/ignore you when you are chatting over MSN. Ok lets sidetrack for a while kay. I was trying to be friendly and chat with a female friend over the net one day. This is how the conversation goes.
Me: hi how are ya
She: :)
Me: Oh, glad to hear that.. so what did ya do last weekend?
She: :)
Me: Nice weekend eh.. well we are going clubbing this fri.. wanna join?
She: :)
Me: uhmm well are you busy?
She: :)
Me: Well !@#$%^&* to you too..(*haha didn’t actually said that)
Hahaha.. how come she cant log out or just said she was busy/brb or some shit..If you got PMS that day just tell me lar. I will understand.. geez.. I was trying to be friendly.. I was making trying to make a conversation.. not talking to a wall. Do you know what is a conversation? Mental note: talking to a wall seems like a pretty good idea sometimes.* Please don’t tell me this is exactly the reason why I got no gf..
Anyway back to the main topic. So here I am .. a 24 tall, thin, talented and not to mention physically fit dude (hahahahhahaha) still trying to understand what is wrong with myself. Then I notice its not me.. It was never me to begin with. With all the whacked up females around, I just chose to be single for the time being. Speaking off, one of my best bud just got hooked up. Calvin Khoo Boon Soon congratulations. You have my sympathy.. hahaha…
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29 Sept 2005 Thu
I was hanging out with my Seremban friends on the weekend because one of my friend is back from UK uhmm US.. uhmm UK.. hehe Anywaaayy….we were happily joking half way till a ‘doink’ decided talk about ghost stories. Here is how the ghost stories goes.
( disclaimer: the content of the mentioned ghost story may differ from the original version slightly )
So my friend friend’s .let call miss A (how come its always somebody friends… huh).. was working late one night at the office one day. There were several other people around at the office at that time. Anyway miss A decided to go to the toilet . When she entered the toilet she saw a cubicle was close so she entered in the next cubicle.. At this time she heard somebody talking to her.. “Hey miss A, working so late? “. Miss A thought it was a familiar voice but did not know who was she talking to her. “Yeah, work as usual”, she replied. “Oh how are you “, came from the closed cubicle. “ Well I am fine “ , miss A said. By this time miss A has finished her business and was already washing her hands. The closed cubicle remain close of course. Miss A was rather curious why the person took so long in the cubicle but she did not asked. As she was tidying up her hair clip fell and she bend over to retrieve it. However she took a peek at the cubicle (non intentionally) and was rather surprised not to see any shoes/dress/leg inside the closed cubicle. She was rather scared by then, when suddenly she heard from inside the cubicle “ Dah tahu ker?”. (translated in English as “ You know already ? “.) When she hear that she quickly ran out of the toilet..
By then my bulu roma was standing like row and rows of soldiers on attention. My balls flew all the way up to my throat. After hearing that ghost story my instinct took over and I quickly fark my friend. She is a girl by the way. “ What the !@#$%^&* , why the hell you tell me such a sick story.. You doink? You got ghost story you keep to yourself lar.. !@#$%^&*.. Scared the shit out of me !@#$%^&* … See today I cant sleep dy !@@#$%^. “.. hahahahaaa. Sorry gal why do you force me to say vulgar words.. Why .. Whyyyyyyy… Ask me to fight and I will gladly do so.. As long its something I can see or touch.. When we are talking about the unknown, all my guts just seems to run away. Maybe I am just too imaginative…Damn … I need to conquer this damn fear.. To look at it in the eye.. Just one problem though.. I cant see it ,, so how to look at it in the eye and do you REAALLY want to look at it in the eyes. Sigh… some people fear cats, dogs, water, height, and you know what I am afraid of , I am afraid of something I cant see and touch.. What the hell is wrong with me wei…
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